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Admin
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| Post #1 Reasons why I never visit my rich friends again
Posted: Fri, 26 Feb 2010 18:47 pm |
Once visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and......
Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino or Coffee?"
Answer: " Tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Iced tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"
Answer: "With cow's milk please.
Question: " Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll just take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst
(Last edited by Admin on Fri, 26 Feb 2010 06:50 pm; edited 3 times in total)
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Admin
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| Post #2 Moral of our new electronic technology
Posted: Tue, 01 Dec 2009 22:59 pm |
This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
GPS
A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had
their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was
parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and
specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included
a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been
prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been
ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then
used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain
entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football
game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so
they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would
appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home
address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you
can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know
where you live if your GPS were stolen.
MOBILE PHONES
I never thought of this.......
This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on
her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which
contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet. Etc...was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling
him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking
about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the
money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen
cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin
number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their
bank account.
Moral of the lesson:
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in
your contact list.
Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad,
Mom, etc....
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts,
CONFIRM by calling back.
Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them
somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came
from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places
to meet 'family and friends' who text you.
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Admin
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| Post #3 Arnold Schwarzenegger's F* word State Senate Bill
Posted: Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:42 pm |
California Assembly and State Senate
Assembly Bill 1176
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Admin
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| Post #4 Re: Hello my future friends.
Posted: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:32 pm |
For your curiosity, here is what goes in the background. Your legend changes what your number of posts increase:
Newbie: less than 20
Junior: 20 - 50
Pro: 50 - 150
Veteran: 150 - 500
Wizard: 500 - 1000
Guru: 1000 - 2000
VIP: 2000 - 5000
Mentor: more than 5000
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Admin
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| Post #5 Take a break - How woman describes a spare part
Posted: Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:22 pm |
Yesterday I was having some work done at the workshop. A woman came in and asked for a 'seven-hundred- ten'.
We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Now scroll down to the photo below to learn what a 710 is..........
Women ? The mechanic fainted!! 
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Admin
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| Post #6 How smart is your right foot or left foot
Posted: Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:02 pm |
It's not difficult to do for someone but not me.
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
If you can do it then change to left foot and left hand.
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Admin
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| Post #7 A Very Wise View from Datuk Dr Agoes Salim
Posted: Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:04 pm |
A GOOD ONE.... A MUST READ....... HAVE A GOOD LAUGH....!!
A Very Wise View from Datuk Dr Agoes Salim...
The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the exams of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently, when during your father's time only 10% would have passed?
Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective.
During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
"In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka ?"
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people.
I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer."
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?"
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False".
Fully 50% passed.
The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us.
We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402".
Yeah!!!!....60% managed to pass! So clever!
But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:
"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"
13% (smart students) handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", 10% wrote " Kentucky Fried Chicken" and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak".
The correct answer was anything concerning "Food" of course! After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%!!!!!............now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true.
So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter?
Well done Boleh-land!
Perhaps, this is why we have a host of students with an impressive string of 'As' who can hardly construct a decent sentence!
Neow mind, our super-duper gomen can find a job for us one.
Duh...
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Admin
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| Post #8 The easiest way of learning Yoga
Posted: Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:58 pm |
The easiest way of learning Yoga
Savasana
Savasana is a pose of total relaxation--making it one of the most challenging asanas.
Balasana
Balasana is a restful pose that can be sequenced between more challenging asanas.
Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
The bride pose calms the brain and rejuvenates tired legs.
Marjaryasana
This pose provides a gentle massage to the spine and belly organs.
Halasana
Plow Pose reduces backache and can help you get to sleep.
Dolphin
A nice shoulder-opening. Also strengthens the core, arms, and legs.
Salambhasana
An effective means for strengthening the back of the torso, legs, and arms in preparation for the deeper backbends.
Ananda Balasana
This pose gently brings a greater awareness to the hip joints.
Malasana
This pose stretches the ankles, groin, and back torso. If your heels don't reach the floor, rest them on a folded blanket.
Pigeon Pose
Tone your body, improve your flexibility and de-stress your mind.
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Admin
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| Post #9 Picture of the first person to have fully recovered from swine flu
Posted: Wed, 10 Jun 2009 21:07 pm |
Picture of the first person to have fully recovered from swine flu with only slight side effects.
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Admin
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| Post #10 Speed control that works
Posted: Sun, 10 May 2009 20:50 pm |
How's this for speed control?
I don't know about you, but this would slow me down! People slow down and try to "straddle" the hole, then breath a sign of relief they completely cleared it!
This is actually a speed control device that is in use. Scroll down and look at all three pictures.
And it is much cheaper than speed cameras.
Pretty clever, huh??? Especially if moved around each day.
Isn't art wonderful?
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Admin
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| Post #11 How to complain
Posted: Sun, 26 Apr 2009 16:56 pm |
The best complaint letter ever?
This is a letter recently received by the Virgin Atlantic customer complaints team and is currently being hailed on news blogs, such as this one on The Telegraph as possibly the funniest customer complaint letter ever.
We called the Virgin Atlantic press office and they confirmed they received the letter and that Richard Branson himself called the author to thank him for the feedback.
Here's the letter.
----------------------------------
Dear Mr Branson
REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008
I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.
Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.
Look at this Richard. Just look at it:
I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?
You don't get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it's next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That's got to be the clue hasn't it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:
I know it looks like a baaji but it's in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you'll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It's only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what's on offer.
I'll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it's Christmas morning and you're sat their with your final present to open. It's a big one, and you know what it is. It's that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.
Only you open the present and it's not in there. It's your hamster Richard. It's your hamster in the box and it's not breathing. That's how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:
Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It's mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.
Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.
By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it's baffling presentation:
It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn't want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.
I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.
Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:
I apologise for the quality of the photo, it's just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson's face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:
Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I'd had enough. I was the hungriest I'd been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.
My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:
Yes! It's another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.
Richard.... What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I'd done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.
So that was that Richard. I didn't eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can't imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.
As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It's just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it's knees and begging for sustenance.
Yours Sincererly...
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Admin
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| Post #12 Interesting bus stops
Posted: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 08:28 am |
(Last edited by Admin on Thu, 23 Apr 2009 08:30 am; edited 2 times in total)
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| Post #13 By all Means... MARRY!
Posted: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 08:19 am |
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!
By all Means... MARRY!
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| Post #14 German artists and European trucks
Posted: Sat, 28 Mar 2009 09:06 am |
Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back.
The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real, like it is coming out the side of the trailer.
The second is of canvas tote bag.
The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling, and the bottom of the trailer is empty.
The fourth is of another truck with the windshield facing the back and there has been a driver painted in the driver's seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards. (Now this one is just plain scary, even when the German reads 'On the wrong way?')
The fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it.
The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it and a post-it-note with an advertisement on it, probably for the company that sells the books.
The last one is for Pringles-Hot & Spicy. The 'inside' of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire.
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| Post #15 Re: Storms lightning shots
Posted: Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:47 pm |
They are amazing shots, especially the last one - it looks like the lightning was penetrating into underwater. 
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| Post #16 A day at the beach in South Korea
Posted: Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:36 pm |
When you need to relax and just get away from it all may I suggest?
"A Day at the beach in South Korea"
WONDER WHERE THE TOILETS ARE?
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Admin
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| Post #17 Re: There are no words to describe this
Posted: Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:27 pm |
This was from a friend but original version he said was taken from screenshots of metacafe video website.
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Admin
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| Post #18 Warmest Spot in the barnyard
Posted: Sat, 21 Mar 2009 23:25 pm |
Warmest Spot in the barnyard
Now is that a Chog or a Dicken??
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| Post #19 There are no words to describe this
Posted: Thu, 19 Mar 2009 21:18 pm |
An 8 years old child was caught in a market in Iran for stealing bread.
In the name of Islam he is being punished. His arm will be crushed by a car. He will lose forever the possibility to use his arm again.
No religion can ever justify such hideous crimes.
Pass this to all, for public awareness.
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| Post #20 40 Expressions of Advice
Posted: Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:17 pm |
40 Expressions of Advice
Is there something made by man that approaches the beauty of Nature? Perhaps music!
1. Walk for 10-30 minutes every day, while smiling.
2. Sit quietly for at least 10 minutes every day, in isolation if necessary.
3. Upon arising in the morning, one must immediately say "My goal today is...."
4. Listen to quality music every day. This is real nourishment for the soul.
5. Live with the 3 Es: Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
6. Play more games than last year.
7. Read more books than last year.
8. Look at the sky at least once a day, appreciating the majesty of the world that surrounds us.
9. Dream more while awake.
10. Eat more foods that come from trees and plants. Eat less manufactured foods.
11. Eat berries and nuts. Drink green tea, plenty of water, and a glass of wine each day; toast something beautiful in life and, if possible, in the company of a loved one.
12. Try to make at least 3 people laugh every day.
13. Eliminate clutter in the home, the car, and the office. Let a new energy enter your life.
14. Don't spend your precious time immersed in rumors, things from the past, negative thoughts or things beyond your control. It is better to invest your energy in the positive present.
15. Life is a school, and we are here to learn. Problems are lessons that come and go; what we learn from them will serve us for the rest of our lives.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a beggar.
17. Smile and laugh more often.
18. Do not let an opportunity pass to hug a friend
19. Life is too short to waste time hating someone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. Nobody else does.
21. It is not necessary to win every argument. One must accept that the other person is not in agreement, and learn from his position.
22. Make peace with your past, so as not to ruin your present.
23. Don't compare your life with others. You have no idea of the highways they have traveled during their lives.
24. Nobody is responsible for your happiness, except yourself.
25. Remember well that we have no control over what happens to us, but only what we do.
26. Learn something new every day.
27. What others think of us is not completely under our control.
28. Appreciate your body, and its marvels.
29. Whether the situation is good or bad, it will change.
30. Work will not take care of us when we are sick. Our friends will. Stay in contact with them.
31. Reject everything that is not useful, amusing, or beautiful.
32. Don't lose time. We already have all the things we need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. Nothing is as important as sitting, standing, getting dressed, and helping others.
35. Have fantastic sex, always in harmony with the other person.
36. Phone your family regularly, and tell them "Hi, I was thinking of you".
37. Each day, before going to sleep, say: I am thankful for _______________. Today, I succeeded in _____________________.
38. Remember that we have too much that is good to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the voyage. There is only one chance to be successful.
40. Please send this message to all friends that you appreciate.
Life is beautiful. You must appreciate it as much as possible.
Have a wonderful journey, my dear friend.
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